Spring is here!

Okay, just keep it between the ditches!!


Look at that little head barely peeking over the steering wheel! Jagger loves driving in Grandmommy and Papaw's neighborhood. It's a bit scary, I know!

Scary or not, he was so proud of himself :)

Jack loves his new swing!

We enjoy going to our land (that we hope to build a home on if we EVER sell our house)! Jonathan and Jagger played football, explored in the creek, and actually found a rather - well, I guess I should say a rather unique treasure (for boys, that is). They found a...

...part of a skeleton of a dead animal!!!!! And yes, Jagger is totally putting the jawbone right up to his mouth, pretending that they're his teeth! Germ X, please!

We had to freshen up London's grave - making it as pink and girly as possible for springtime. And this is where I feel stuck right now...at London's grave - missing my baby girl. I admit that I have been struggling lately. It's ironic that it is so beautiful outside, the weather is getting warm, the trees are budding, the flowers are blooming...nature is coming to life again, and I love it, yet my emotions have been on edge, and my tears have been flowing freely.

The boys are getting bigger. They're changing and growing, and it's evident that time is passing (quicker than I'd like it to). The reality is that London's life is growing farther in the past, and with every springtime that rolls around without her, I am sad that we are living this life without her. I'm sad that I have to share a picture of her "girly" tombstone flowers instead of her in her Easter dress with a matching hair bow, tights and precious little dress shoes. Maybe her hair would be sort of long by now, and maybe it would have curls like her daddy's. I imagine that she would be prissy and bossy...especially to her brothers! Gosh, I just ache for her - especially lately. Not that I don't miss her every moment of every day, but it has been 2 1/2 years, and I have learned to live with my grief. However, lately it's been more painful, more raw and fresh...like it used to be. Perhaps its the fact that every time I go to the stores, I see pink ruffles and hair bows and hats. Maybe it's the fact that I always got a new Easter dress every year when I was little, and I am sad that I can't carry on the tradition with my daughter. Jagger and Jack will hunt eggs this weekend, and the Easter bunny will come, and we will go to church and celebrate Jesus' resurrection, and London will not be there (again). She is always missing. We are a happy family of four. We are blessed...but there will always be a huge void in our family. There will always be the unknown of what life would have been like with London.

Let me tell you, it is because of this Easter weekend - this ultimate celebration of Jesus' willingness to die on the cross for my sins, and to rise again promising me that if I believe in him, I will live forever with him in Heaven - it is because of this promise that I can endure the pain of losing my daughter. I know, without a doubt, that she is safe in the arms of Jesus in heaven right now. It doesn't help my void and my human feelings of wanting her here. But, it does help my sanity and my peace of mind to know that although I ache for her now - I will see her again. Praise GOD!!! I pray that you have that peace of mind.

I know that this time will pass. It will not be as "raw" after a while. I recognize that this is yet another wave of grief that comes and goes. It's not fun and not even remotely easy, but I've made it through before, and I'll make it again.

By the way, why did Eve have to eat the apple???!!!