Approximately two weeks ago, I was contacted by Cameron Von St. James regarding his own family's struggles with diagnosis, illness and caregiving. I was honored to know that Cameron related to my story. Cameron offered to write this wonderful, heartfelt post in hopes that it will help others. You may read more about Cameron & his wife, Heather, at http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/cameron/. Thank you, Cameron! :)
Overcoming
the Hardships of Dealing With Cancer Within the Family
My wife and I went through a very difficult time when she was diagnosed with mesothelioma. She once related to me that she couldn’t even begin to imagine what my experience was like as her caregiver. Although I only spoke to her about it once, I would like to share more with those who are currently battling through cancer, in the hopes that they might find strength through our story.
Our first and only child was born three months before my wife was diagnosed with the disease. It was a drastic leap from the joy and promise of our daughter’s birth to the uncertainty and fear of my wife’s newly discovered cancer. I remember when we were first told the news by the doctors. Watching my wife crying, I felt hopeless.
I was angry about the injustice of it all. Or maybe it was fear, which grew out of control over the following days and turned into anger. Either way, I had a hard time controlling it at first. Eventually I realized that I had to gather whatever strength I had in order to be there for both my wife and my daughter. I began to understand that as scared as I was, I had to be there for my wife, and the last thing she needed was to see my fear. I knew that in order for my wife to be optimistic, I had to be optimistic. This was not easy, but from that point forward I did my very best to be nothing but a stable source of hope and strength for my family.
In addition to being overwhelmed emotionally, I was immediately overwhelmed with the amount of things I had to do in the days and weeks following the diagnosis. I had to make arrangements for travel and work as well as care for our daughter and our pets. Of course, I also had to care for Heather and arrange doctors appointments and medical care, the list just seemed to go on and on. I learned how to prioritize my tasks by order of importance. I received offers of help from friends and family, and I quickly learned that I needed to accept their generous acts of kindness if I wanted to keep my sanity. I can’t imagine getting through it all without their help, and I will be forever grateful to each and every person who reached out to us in our time of need.
My wife mentioned to me that there was a time in particular where she wondered how I was managing to cope: the period of two months after her mesothelioma surgery in Boston. My daughter was staying with Heather’s parents in South Dakota at the time, and after my wife’s surgery she flew out to meet her. She would remain there for the next two months while she recovered from her operation and prepared for the next phase of her treatment. I had to remain behind to work and take care of our home, which meant I was only able to see my wife and daughter once during this time. That one time was when I drove 11 hours after work through a snowstorm in order to see them. I spent a day and a half with them before driving 11 hours back on Sunday to make it back to work the next day. It was an exhausting visit, which consisted of more time in the car than with my family, but the few precious hours I got to spend with them were worth every second of grueling travel.
As hard as it was for me to be without both my wife and daughter, I knew it was the best option for us. I wasn’t able to work and take care of my wife and daughter at the same time. Even though it was a difficult choice to make, I took comfort in the fact that I even had a choice.
Six years later, my wife is still here and still healthy. I learned how to accept the help of others and I gained strength in the knowledge that even under extreme challenge, I still had choices that I could make. I hope that any families that are currently dealing with a similar situation can use our story as a source of inspiration.
My wife and I went through a very difficult time when she was diagnosed with mesothelioma. She once related to me that she couldn’t even begin to imagine what my experience was like as her caregiver. Although I only spoke to her about it once, I would like to share more with those who are currently battling through cancer, in the hopes that they might find strength through our story.
Our first and only child was born three months before my wife was diagnosed with the disease. It was a drastic leap from the joy and promise of our daughter’s birth to the uncertainty and fear of my wife’s newly discovered cancer. I remember when we were first told the news by the doctors. Watching my wife crying, I felt hopeless.
I was angry about the injustice of it all. Or maybe it was fear, which grew out of control over the following days and turned into anger. Either way, I had a hard time controlling it at first. Eventually I realized that I had to gather whatever strength I had in order to be there for both my wife and my daughter. I began to understand that as scared as I was, I had to be there for my wife, and the last thing she needed was to see my fear. I knew that in order for my wife to be optimistic, I had to be optimistic. This was not easy, but from that point forward I did my very best to be nothing but a stable source of hope and strength for my family.
In addition to being overwhelmed emotionally, I was immediately overwhelmed with the amount of things I had to do in the days and weeks following the diagnosis. I had to make arrangements for travel and work as well as care for our daughter and our pets. Of course, I also had to care for Heather and arrange doctors appointments and medical care, the list just seemed to go on and on. I learned how to prioritize my tasks by order of importance. I received offers of help from friends and family, and I quickly learned that I needed to accept their generous acts of kindness if I wanted to keep my sanity. I can’t imagine getting through it all without their help, and I will be forever grateful to each and every person who reached out to us in our time of need.
My wife mentioned to me that there was a time in particular where she wondered how I was managing to cope: the period of two months after her mesothelioma surgery in Boston. My daughter was staying with Heather’s parents in South Dakota at the time, and after my wife’s surgery she flew out to meet her. She would remain there for the next two months while she recovered from her operation and prepared for the next phase of her treatment. I had to remain behind to work and take care of our home, which meant I was only able to see my wife and daughter once during this time. That one time was when I drove 11 hours after work through a snowstorm in order to see them. I spent a day and a half with them before driving 11 hours back on Sunday to make it back to work the next day. It was an exhausting visit, which consisted of more time in the car than with my family, but the few precious hours I got to spend with them were worth every second of grueling travel.
As hard as it was for me to be without both my wife and daughter, I knew it was the best option for us. I wasn’t able to work and take care of my wife and daughter at the same time. Even though it was a difficult choice to make, I took comfort in the fact that I even had a choice.
Six years later, my wife is still here and still healthy. I learned how to accept the help of others and I gained strength in the knowledge that even under extreme challenge, I still had choices that I could make. I hope that any families that are currently dealing with a similar situation can use our story as a source of inspiration.
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