Where I've been...

I feel so guilty that it's been 4 months since I've posted. I'll be honest, I used to post when I needed to vent...when I was having a "moment". I also used to post when I was sharing my boys and all of the funny and cute things that they do! I guess the reason I have neglected this blog is kind of a good thing, really.

First of all, my "moments" are rare these days, so my need to vent is also pretty rare, too. Praise God! Now, let me also say that last Wednesday, I bawled like a baby for hours because I had a "moment" that lasted the entire afternoon, pretty much! That hasn't happened for a very long time, but it just came - sort of like cousin Eddie on Christmas Vacation! Totally uninvited, very inconvenient, and stayed way too long!! :)

At the same time, although those moments suck (to be honest), they also bring me back to London. They make me remember vividly again. When I go "there" again, I remember how she felt in my arms. I remember tucking the soft, fuzzy side of the blanket under her little feet to keep them warm. I remember tracing her silky soft skin with my fingers...rubbing her little forehead and her hair. I remember putting my nose to hers and closing my eyes while I felt her little breath on my lips. I remember her sweet smell. I hear her cry and her grunts. I remember my precious baby girl. So...although those emotions are far too painful to "like", there is something cathartic and cleansing about going there again.

Back to why I've neglected the blog. As I posted before, last year was a year of a new adventure for me and my family. I started London's Bridge Photography - in honor of London. My new business has become my outlet for my grief, and quite honestly, it has kept me so busy that I rarely have time to do much of anything else. I have been so blessed to see how London's Bridge Photography has grown just since March (when I took the plunge and put myself out there). I have been able to feel "fulfilled" through my business by honoring London, sharing her story more often, and also by giving back to charity with every session. I donate 15% of profits to the charity that my client chooses. I know that every person has something close to their heart, so when they get to choose where their donation goes, it makes them feel good, too! It allows them to give back in honor or memory of someone and feel like they've truly "Smiled for a Cause". So, my point is that doing good through London's Bridge Photography has allowed me to progress in my grief. In a sense, I know that I'm honoring London and making something GOOD come out of my sadness and my loss. And again, I NEVER want London to be forgotten, so knowing her name is on my logo, and that her name is being shared with others...well, it just makes me happy!
As far as sharing pictures of my boys...I pretty much use London's Bridge Photography for that, too. Whenever I want to tell about something cute or funny they've done, I usually share the pictures on facebook on my London's Bridge Photography page.

Anyway, I'm sorry for my neglect. At the same time, I am thankful that I feel peace in my heart again. I'm thankful that my tears are few and far between these days. I'm just thankful! And...I'm thankful for you who do read this blog and appreciate my story. I know so many of you have your own hurt and your own story to share. I pray that God will give you peace and comfort. Whether you believe it now or not (I remember when I didn't believe it), "Weeping may endure for the night, but JOY comes in the morning." ~Psalm 30:5

Never lose hope!!

Love,
Ashlee :)