Four Plus an Angel: December 2010

It's December 20. I'm sitting alone in my living room drinking my coffee, listening to Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. There is snow outside. The only light is that from my Christmas tree. The kids are still asleep. Ahhhh, it doesn't get much better than this! I love Christmas.

Ummm...scratch that. My "me" time was good while it lasted :) My little stinker just woke up, was yelling for me, and now we're watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Jack is now snuggled beside me on the couch, under 2 big blankets, eating his Little Debbie chocolate cake (come on, isn't that a breakfast food???), and leaning on my shoulder. Now, really, it doesn't get much better than this!

Well, wait...there are a couple of things that would make it even better. If Jagger were snuggled on my other side, and if London were snuggled in my lap. Now that would be an absolutely perfect moment, don't you think?

As I sit here, I see her pink stocking hanging between her brothers' stockings. Her special ornament with her picture is on the front of our tree. I'll be honest. This is my 4th Christmas without London, and I've been struggling...again. As I've said so many times before, it is not that gut-wrenching, constant sadness that I used to feel. However, I have my moments (a lot of them lately) where I just have to grieve. I have to reflect on my daughter and the fact that I miss her so so terribly. Every stage and every age that the boys go through is yet another stage of London that I am missing. Don't get me wrong. I understand that I can't dwell on my grief. I can't afford to let it consume me. There are many times when I get sad over something - usually a trigger of some sort, and I have to just think about something else, turn the radio on...anything to just get it together! And there are those other times when I just let it come over me. I allow my feelings to surface, and I just feel. It's painful, but it's also very cleansing for me. I need that release every now and then.

However, I just praise God that I have the assurance that I will see her again. I have hope. I know that, although my family will always be "Four Plus an Angel" on this earth, we will be perfectly whole - and all together - in heaven.

What if I didn't have that assurance? How do people survive and cope with intense loss without Christ, without salvation, without hope?! Oh my goodness...what a dark, depressing thought.

The sermon at church yesterday was on Christmas and the simplicity of salvation. Without Christ, there is no Christmas! Jesus was born so that he could die for us! He set the standard of perfection. Not that we would try to be perfect, but that we would see that we will NEVER be perfect, and that we need Christ. We need Jesus in our hearts. We need Him in our lives.

Everyone NEEDS to be saved (1 John 1:8).
Everyone CAN be saved (1 John 2:1-2).
Everyone is saved the SAME WAY (1 John 5:13).
Everyone who's saved can KNOW it and be sure (1 John 5:13).

That no matter what we've done, how much guilt we may feel, "...the Lord is so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for His help!" (Psalm 86:5)

Did you know that you can "believe" with your mind that Jesus Christ was born, lived a perfect life, died on the cross, and rose again, and still not be saved?! You can "believe"(think/agree) that God loves you. But...there's more to salvation than believing with your mind! You must COMMIT to Him! You have to put your TRUST in Him. You have to put your FAITH in Him. You have to have a RELATIONSHIP with Him.

Lord knows that I mess up all the time. I ask for forgiveness and then mess up again. I fail miserably!!! However, I go to Jesus and talk to Him. I feel my conscience (the Holy Spirit) leading me on a daily basis. I recognize that Jesus is my standard, that I will NEVER reach that standard, and that I need Him!!

A one-time prayer won't get you to Heaven if you don't put your trust in Him. Being baptized won't save you! You can dunk youfself in the bathtub at home!! Being "sprinkled" as a baby doesn't save you! You must follow him, trust him, recognize your constant need for Him, and acknowledge that He is Lord.

Isn't that what Christmas is ("should be") all about?! It's not about the presents. It's not about the craziness of shopping and wrapping and cooking and entertaining and eating and visiting - although those things are definitely fun! It's about Jesus! My how we get away from the true meaning of Christmas! I'm as guilty as anyone!

So, I encourage you - just as I encourage myself - to reflect on the true meaning of this season! When you feel overwhelmed with all of the preparation...just stop, be still, and remember that Jesus is all that really matters!

Merry Christmas, friends!!