I admit, my senior year of college, my sister and I went to Florida for Spring Break, and yes...I rebelled and got a tattoo! I made absolutely sure that it was hidden enough so no one would see it. Believe me, I grew up thinking that tattoos were BAD and only bikers, inmates, and rock stars had them!
Okay, so I was a rebel and got a tattoo! If you know me already, you know that I was absolutely not the "rebellious" type. This was out of character for me...but I guess the excitement of "breaking the rules" was fun at the time!! So, as a result, I have a little sun permanently engraved on my hip...a sun that has absolutely no meaning! I even kept my "secret" from mom and dad for about 4 years...but I eventually confessed, and they didn't even get mad. I guess they realized it could have been worse :)
Anyway, up until I met Jonathan, I had always dated very preppy, clean-cut guys...guys with smooth faces, collared shirts and short hair...and no tattoos! When I met Jonathan, like a magnet, I found myself being drawn to his long curls, his scruffy face, his laid-back style, the fact that he sang in a band...and oh my...he had them. He had "TATTOOS"! Jonathan was unlike any guy I had ever dated...but it was so exciting :) I worried what my parents would think!
Let me also mention that Jonathan stole my heart because he was absolutely hilarious, he loved "Dumb & Dumber" (I was sold with that!), opened my car door for me every time (and still does), and had a loving and caring personality. He also comes from a family of Baptist preachers (his dad, grandfather, great grandfather, and 2 uncles are/were preachers), and he grew up singing gospel music in his dad's church. So, don't let the long hair, beard and tattoos fool you!
He also wore a suit and tie every day when I first met him, so he was actually a well-dressed long-haired guy with a scruffy face and tattoos - ha ha!
I wondered what my parents would say about me dating "a preacher's kid", too! You never know about those preacher's kids - ha ha! What a change that was from the norm! Nine years later, I have to say that there's still never a dull moment!!
Okay, so back to tattoos. Jonathan had 2 tattoos when we met, but neither had a significant meaning.
Then, on September 11 and 13, 2007, after carrying my precious baby girl for 38 weeks, feeling her kick and move and learning her habits in my belly, and anticipating life with my daughter... our London came and left like a vapor disappearing into thin air. Within two short days time - from Tuesday to Thursday - she miraculously arrived and was tragically torn from our lives. That was it. All the planning, all the doctors appointments, all the clothes, baby showers, hair bows, dresses, shoes, stockings, pink blankets...all the princess books, monogrammed bibs, pink engraved bibles, picture frames waiting to be filled, the bassinet waiting in the family room, her crib, the diaper bag in the car, the car seat in our car, her "going home" outfit...
All of it was over - finished - empty - useless. For 38 weeks, we had planned for this miracle, and for 2 days, just 2 days, we got to be with her - and then she was gone. Life as we knew it would never to be the same. Our dreams were destroyed, our plans were ripped to shreds, and our hearts were shattered.
Now, the scars are deep, and the pain can still be paralyzing at times. We as London's parents strive to keep her memory alive. We want to share her life - her short, but incredible life. We want to share her story, our journey, our pain and suffering, God's tender mercy and grace upon our lives in the midst of our grief, and His continued blessings.
One way that we have kept London's memory alive is by having her name tattooed on our wrists. I can't even count the number of times that individuals have asked me and Jonathan about her name on our wrists. Anytime we are asked about that "tattoo", we are able to tell about our London, and it's satisfying to know she is being remembered.
Jonathan had a memorial tattoo placed on his arm about a year ago. The quote on his tattoo is the same quote that is on the back of London's tombstone: Two Days in Our Arms; Forever in Our Hearts. The pink hearts symbolize Jonathan's love for his daughter and the fact that her heart was very special (HLHS). The pink roses symbolize our beautiful and fragile little girl and remind us of the pink roses that cascaded down her casket.
Not only did Jonathan get this memorial tattoo, but he also added London's footprints to his "collection" (he already had Jagger's footprints on his arm). Now, he has 3 little sets of footprints on his arms (once he started that, he had to get all three!)!
For a while now, I have been thinking of how I could put London's little footprints on my body. I found myself wanting a symbol of her with me always. I wanted her little feet on me...but I didn't just want plain footprints. Again, I wanted something that would show that London was my baby girl, and also that she is in heaven...I wanted it to tell a story. So, after several sketches and the image of London's hospital footprints, I finally created London's memorial tattoo and eventually got the courage to actually do it. To me, having her little feet embraced by angel wings and a halo was the perfect way to show that she is our little angel in heaven. I also chose to have her name, her birthday, and the day she met Jesus included. It's on the top/middle of my back.
I never in a million years thought that I would ever - I mean EVER - have 3 tattoos! I never even thought I would get 1 tattoo. Losing London changed me - in really big ways and in small ways. Whether getting a tattoo is big or small (in your opinion), I got 2 of them because of London, and I kind of felt like they were a big deal (since I'm not the "tattoo" kind of girl). I will not try to hide these like I did my Spring Break sun! In fact, I will gladly share them because they tell London's story - and my story. I wish I didn't even have a reason to want this tattoo. I wish my baby was here with me...but as a grieving mother, this is a satisfying way to remember her.
So, whether you like tattoos or not, whether you think they're beautiful or trashy, you never know when a person's tattoo may symbolize one of the most precious and meaningful things in their life or a situation that greatly defines who they are. And it just may be their way of boldly sharing their story and the story of the one they love and miss more than anything. To me, my new tattoo is sort of like a badge that I will always wear in honor of my baby girl...it's like a piece of her is with me always.
They say that once you get one, you can't stop. I'm up to 3...I HAVE to stop!!! Seriously...no more for me. Well, maybe I'll get "Property of Jonathan" somewhere!!! Did you think I was serious??!! I am totally kidding!
Have a good day :)
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