A Perfect Pink Stocking

This will be the third Christmas without our London. Well, the truth of the matter is that we never had London during Christmas, or any holiday for that matter. But...this will be the third Christmas since we lost our London. That's a more accurate way to say it, I guess. We just had a wonderful Thanksgiving with our family, and it was such a blessing to have Jack with us this year. However, I found myself being really emotional last week before Thanksgiving. I wasn't really sure what had sparked my emotion, but I truly think that it was just that the holidays were approaching, and I was faced with the reality - yet again - that London was not here. Although I know this and I accept this fact, it's still so raw during the holidays - during those times when family is supposed to be celebrated, and you somehow seem closer than ever to the ones you love. That is why it hits me so hard.

I wish she were here. This year, London would be 2 years old. I can just imagine what she would be doing during this holiday season. Would she like Santa or would she scream? What toys/dolls/babies would she like? What Christmas dress would she wear, or what big Christmas bow would we put in her hair? Gosh, I could just keep going, but those things hurt me so badly as her mommy. I feel cheated! I can't help it. I just ache for her. I want to know what she would look like, feel like, sound like. I want her here with us.

I have wanted to find a stocking to hang in her memory, but I just haven't found the "right" one. That is, until today. I was strolling through Target with my sisters, and out of the blue, I spotted the most perfect stocking for London, and I had to get it. It is light pink satin with a pink velvet ruffle, and a rhinestone princess crown on it. It's so dainty, prissy and just "fits" her! She is our princess, and this stocking is definitely fit for a princess!

When I brought it home today, I asked Jonathan if we should add it to the other three or hang it in the middle. He insisted that it hang in the middle. When I hung this beautiful pink stocking in between the two more masculine stockings, I got a big lump in my throat. I sat on the couch in front of the fireplace, and I couldn't help but to cry. As I looked at the mantle, it wasn't just 3 stockings hanging there. It was as if my two boys were hugging their sister - one on each side of her. There is absolutely no pink in our house. I think I have one sweater with pink stripes, but that's about it. Pink does not go with our decor, so this satin and rhinestone stocking really stands out. And you know what? That's exactly how I want it. It should stand out. It's absolutely perfect that this pink stocking - that doesn't match anything - is now in the center of our mantle and at the center of our family room. A conversation piece? Absolutely. For some strange reason, when I hung London's stocking tonight, it was as if she were here with me. It was as if my daughter - my baby girl - was in the room beside me.

When Jagger saw the stocking, he said, "Mommy that is so adorable" as he hugged it against his chest. Unfortunately, I ordered our Christmas cards this morning, and our precious pink stocking is not a part of the pictures! But...that's okay. It's now a part of our home and our Christmas, and I feel that London is even closer to us during this sacred time of the year.

It may seem strange, but as I've said a hundred times before, grief will make you do/think/say strange things sometimes. Oh, how I wish London were here. She isn't - she never will be. But...we can remember her, honor her and symbolize her in our heart and in our home forever.