My sweet boys and one humbling moment...

Can you see Jack's 2 bottom toofers? He knows how to use them, too! Ouch :)

Not only does he have teeth, he's learning to sit on his own. How did he get this big already?

He's so proud of himself!

Okay...let me explain!!! The other day, Jagger was looking for a random toy, and while I helped him search, I got the grand idea of dumping all of his toy boxes/crates/buckets...you name it...because it needed to be organized anyway (and I got a little frustrated, too)! What was I thinking? Then, of ALL nights, we got a call that our realtor was going to show our house the NEXT day!!! Ughhhh...so guess what I did all night!

This picture tells a story to me - a special story. Last week, my sister (who is a high school teacher) handed me a folded hand-written note from one of her students - who happens to be one of my former students as well. She was always one of my favorites; she stood out because of her sweet spirit, kind heart and hard work ethic. But as a teacher, I was also drawn to her because gave so much at school yet had so very little at home. She was one whom I would have loved to fix up, take shopping, give her a makeover...you know what I mean? She had so much to overcome, and I just loved her.

Well, to my surprise, she had mentioned in her note how cute she thought Jagger and Jack were (Alaena has shown her pictures) and she wanted to give them something. At this point, Alaena had pulled two hats from behind her back that this student had asked her to give to Jagger and Jack. As Alaena handed me the hats, I noticed immediately that they were both old, worn, and dirty, and immediately I was humbled because I realized that this was all that she had to give.

There were no fancy tags to tear off, no pretty packaging - just 2 hats that she wanted my boys to have as their gift from her.

I was just in awe and so very humbled when I received this gift. Not to mention that Jagger was so excited! He LOVED his new UK hat, and it didn't matter to him in the least that it wasn't brand new. It was a gift, and he was so excited. I washed the hats when we got home, and now they're as good as new...and pretty cute, too.

This reminded me that God truly can use anything and anyone to teach me a lesson and bless my heart. This little girl blessed my heart with her selflessness. If only we all had that kind of spirit. The greatest gifts are not the most expensive ones.

Happy 4th Birthday, Jagger!

Well, I'm two weeks behind in posting pictures of my big boy's 4th birthday! Jagger turned 4 on Labor Day, and since it was a long weekend, we partied ALL weekend. On Friday night, we literally had about 16 kids at our house, a bouncy castle, and they were all HIGH on cake, candy and ice cream! It was WILD!! On Jagger's actual birthday, his Grandmommy cooked and had him a "pirate" party. She even decorated a pirate cake. I can't believe he's already 4! Here are some pictures...

We had a Transformer party this year, and Mimi and Poppy got Jagger this "Bumblebee" transformer suit!

Boys....gotta love 'em!

Did I mention about 16 kids, a bouncy castle, cake, ice cream and candy???

Jagger and his pirate cake...on his "real" birthday :)

The "fatness" as we like to call him...Jagger was cracking up at this! Jack now has 2 teeth on the bottom. He's a big boy!

She would be 2...

Two years ago today, we were blessed with this beautiful baby girl. London was born at 3:02 pm, weighed 7 pounds, 11 ounces and was 20.5 inches long. We were and still are so proud.


London had little tight lips as she clenched during her "photo shoot"!


This was the last picture that was taken of our baby...just moments before she was taken into surgery.


London being weighed for the first time in the delivery room. This scale said 7-12, but the "official" scale in the nursery said 7-11...who knows!



Proud parents...and one pretty little girl.


I love this one because London was making a hilarious face when I tried to put her passy in her mouth, but she didn't want it.

She almost opened her eyes in this picture. Her pink passy is in her special box at home.

Sleeping Beauty... Need I say more?

Daddy's girl

London's first moments...

How do I even begin? My heart is so heavy today - and has been for several days now as I have anticipated London's 2nd birthday. We just visited our baby girl's grave and took her a dozen pink roses like we did last year on her birthday. When Jagger asked how we can tell London Happy Birthday, I told him that he and Jack can send her balloons with a birthday message attached, and they'll float all the way to heaven. I told him that we can pray and ask God to give London a message for us, and I told her that we can talk to her at her special place (her grave), and she can hear us. How else should I answer my four year old?

All of these things are ways that we try to get close to her. We imagine that we have a connection with London by doing these things. Our human nature wants so badly to believe that she knows us, that she can hear us, that she is aware that we are celebrating her life with us and grieving her 2 years without us. We yearn for her and wish so badly that we could experience the same closeness with her that we have with Jagger and Jack.

As I've posted before, the song "Held" by Natalie Grant mentions that "This is what it means to be held, how it feels when the SACRED is torn from your life, and you survive." Days like today, I realize that I am being held by my Father...that the only way we can survive having our baby girl "torn" from our lives after 9 months in my womb and 2 days in our arms is because of the peace and comfort that He gives us.

I was having a rough night last night, and it was very fitting that my devotion last night was on Heaven and how we cannot even fathom how incredible Heaven will be. That God has created this REAL place for us as the ultimate reward for loving Him and trusting in Him while we're here on earth. I was reminded last night as I grieved my daughter that she is enjoying those riches right now. She's in God's presence in the most glorious place ever created, and here I am wishing she were back here in this place where there's hurt, pain, disease, disappointment, etc. Who would want to come back to this place?! I'm selfish as her Mommy, but she's in better hands right now. I needed that reminder last night to realize, once again, that I really WILL see her again. I'm very impatient, and this is the longest I will have to wait for something I want so badly, but it WILL happen.

I've wondered what theme her party would have tonight, what hilariously cute outfit I would put on her, how I would fix her hair for the big event, what toys she would get, how she would react to the festivities (after all, at 2 she would realize that it's all about her!), what friends would come to her party, how her brothers would react to her...should I go on?

It's very difficult to accept the reality that we will never know. That's it. It's all in my imagination - in my dreams because we will NEVER know all of those things. Broken hearts and broken dreams. That is what we will always have. However, our hearts can be mended - scarred, but mended. Our broken dreams of life with London are being replaced with dreams of life with Jagger and Jack. Life goes on - it definitely doesn't cater to our heartache, and that's okay I guess.

God has given us so many reasons to smile. He has blessed Jonathan and me with a wonderful marriage, with 2 healthy little boys, with a beautiful daughter whom we will see in time, and a wonderful support system through friends, family and church.

As we grieve today and throughout each year, we are well aware of the blessings that have been richly bestowed upon us, and we will not take them for granted. But, for today, we boldly profess our grief and our pain that comes with losing our precious baby girl. We celebrate this day, 2 years ago, when we finally got to see her precious face, hold her precious body, hear her precious cries and grunts, feel her sweet breath on our cheeks, sing to her, pray over her, read to her, and have hope for her life. Her life was short, but so meaningful.

As I said at her funeral, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." London didn't have a great number of breaths, but the moments we had with her took our breath away, and we will always be grateful for those moments.

I leave you with one of my favorite poems that I printed and put on my refrigerator when my grandfather died 5 years ago, and it has brought me comfort and peace so many times since then.

What God Has Promised

God has not promised

skies always blue,

Flower strewn pathways

all our lives through.

God has not promised

sun without rain,

Joy without sorrow

or peace without pain.

But God has promised

strength for the day,

Rest for the laborer

and light on the way.

He promised grace for the trial

and help from above,
Unfailing sympathy

undying love.

~ Author Unknown